Találkoztam az exemmel

Véleményeteket szeretném kérni, nem tudom hogyan működik ez, vagy mit gondoljak, hátha ért ehhez valaki..

Exemmel 1,5 évig (homoszexuális) párkapcsolatban éltünk. Tudni kellett tóla, hogy sosem bírta elfogadni magáról, mindig meg akart felelni a társadalomnak. Aztán két hónapja szakemberek segítségével elvileg sikerült "normálissá változnia", elhagyott rögtön, két hét múlva barátnője lett...
Elég friss a dolog. Elhatároztam, hogy megpróbálom a visszavonzást.
Görcsösen vonzottam, de kb két napja megváltoztattam a gondolkodásom, elengedtem, és azt mondtam, találkozzunk akkor, ha mindketten boldogok lehetünk egymással és legyen boldog most is, ha még talán hazugságban is él...
Mióta így elengedtem, jól éreztem magam, elhatároztam, hogy végre rendberakom magam, ezért elmentem vásárolni egy plázába....és mit ad Isten, ott ült velem szemben, ahogy beléptem az ajtón, a tesójával beszélgetett....
Láttam, hogy látott, de közömbösnek tűnt. (bár mások előtt ugye amúgy sem beszéltünk soha)
Most ott tartok, hogy kicsit megint rosszul érzem magam. Megint felkavart.

A kérdésem az lenne, hogy ez valami jel, hogy bármire képesek vagyunk? Elvileg úgy tudom, hogy ez a bevonzás úgy működik, ha ő is hajlandó lenne rá tudat alatt.
Vagy pedig egy jel, hogy hagyjam, mert közömbösnek láttam?

Nem tudom, de abban biztos vagyok, hogy én vonzottam oda..



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:)

Ma sokáig dolgoztam, aztán elhívtak szórakozni.
Asszem megismerkedtem egy olyan személlyel, akivel még lehet valami....ha nem, akkor legalább most megtapasztaltam, hogy nincs vége a világnak :)



Köszönöm szépen a választ,

Köszönöm szépen a választ, teljesen igazad van neked is :)



Kedves Molyoló!

"Hát úgy néz ki hallani sem akar rólam, meg boldog ...."

A két dolog egyáltalán nem jár kézenfogva egymással.
Sőt, tovább megyek...
Szerintem egyáltalán nem valószínű, hogy boldog, mint ahogy az sem, hogy hallani sem akar felőled.

Tudod, én sokszor hallottam olyanról, hogy hetero kapcsolatban jött rá valaki, azért nem tudja jól érezni magát a partnerével igazán az ágyban, mert bármennyire is elfojtja magában az érzést... rájön a saját neméhez vonzódik.
Mert fiatalon együtt lehet élni valakivel nagy szeretetben, összekeverve az érzést a szerelemmel.
Bizony van amikor csak akkor ébred rá, hogy nincs meg az a szexuális vonzalom a másik iránt, amikor már együtt él a másikkal és akkor találkozik a saját neméből valakivel, aki iránt fellobban az a bizonyos szikra.

Viszont fordítva szerintem sosem igaz. Különösen így másfél év együttlét után, mint nálatok volt.
Kizárt, hogy szaksegítséggel "megvilágosodott és meggyógyult" volna...
Főleg olyan fiatalembernél, akinél fontosak a társadalmi elvárt normák, a család prűdségének való megfelelés, valamint a karrierépítés.
Igaza van Pipacskának, a mai társadalom még nincs megérve arra, hogy a "másságot" maradéktalanul elfogadja. És igen... a magamutogató felvonulások nem is tesznek jót a homoszexualitás pozitív megítélésének.
Hosszú időnek kell még ehhez eltelnie. Nekem vannak meleg fiú ismerőseim, tényleg melegszívű, kedves, becsületes fiatalemberek.
De köztük is és a heterók között is vannak szép számmal prostituáltak is, akik tovább rontják a társadalmi megítélést.

Kedves Molyoló! Szerintem két dolog között kell döntened.
Elengeded a párod, megpróbálsz túllépni rajta és keresel... biztosan találsz is egy hozzád illő fiatalembert, aki felvállalja a kapcsolatotokat.
Vagy pedig kivársz... és megalkuszol.
Szerintem a párod előbb-utóbb úgyis "megunja" az alakoskodást és vagy nálad, vagy másnál titkos viszonyt fog keresni teljes diszkréció elvárásával.
Az viszont egyenlő a boldogtalansággal számodra, ami előbb utóbb teljesen felőröl lelkileg.

Nagyon sokan élnek ilyen kettős életet, többen, mint gondolnád. Nem csak a konzervatív társadalom miatt.
Van aki családot, gyermekeket akar és vannak is neki. A családi béke és harmónia fenntartása miatt vállalja egész életében a színjátékot és él kettős életet. Főleg a gyermekeik miatt. Legtöbbször ki sem derül.
Nekem is volt ilyen ismerősöm.
Már idős korban, egy tragédia kapcsán derült fény a titokra úgy, hogy sem a felesége, sem a gyermekei, de még a testvére sem gyanakodott soha.

Szóval kedves Molyoló, a döntés rajtad áll.
Szerintem, még nagyon fiatal vagy, engedd el a párodat és adj magadnak esélyt egy boldog párkapcsolatra olyan személlyel, aki nyíltan felvállal és nem kell titkolóznotok, bujkálnotok.



Hát úgy néz ki hallani sem

Hát úgy néz ki hallani sem akar rólam, meg boldog ....



Szia Molyoló! Szerintem

Szia Molyoló!
Szerintem vonzzátok Egymást, hiszen ez is olyan 'dolog' amiben kettőn áll a vásár. Ahogy leírtad elnyomja önmagát, a valóját ezért viselkedett/ viselkedik úgy ahogy. Jobb lenne semleges terepen összefutnotok. :)

Miért akar megfelelni a társadalomnak? Hiszen a homoszexualitás viszonylag már elfogadott. Lehet ő birkózik meg vele nehezen.



Köszönöm pipacsvirág!

Köszönöm pipacsvirág! Olvastam a hozzászólásaid sok fórumon, tudom, hogy biztosan jó tippet adsz. :)
Egyébként most egy kicsit átrendeződtek bennem a dolgok, és elkezdtem örülni annak, hogy láttam. És tudom, hogy nem volt véletlen. Na meg a körülmények...